Best Way To Die

   There are too many ways to die, whether its dying because of illness, fast way or slow way to die. People may die because of certain disease or factors, but in this case I’m going to talk about a very awful way to die. Hahahha One of the way is this, by loving someone who doesnt love you back. Why this way? You gotta know when you experience it yourself.

   I get one of this kind too, it lasts at least for almost 4 years. Since I was 18 summer after highschool I met that guy, my classmate at the very first year in this govt college. Loving someone who doesnt love you back or we can call it one-sided love is a seriously awful way to die. Why I keep saying this? Because I once experience it and once is enough to be ignored all the way I was. Maybe he’s just a shy famous guy, but I can’t stand of the symptoms I’m having. It was like serious disease attacking me. Loving someone who doesnt love me back went all the way he turned me down like that.

I cried, having myself unable to breath freely whenever I see him, feeling the embarassing things alone, having butterflies in my stomach while I didnt even know he felt that way or not. He’s just a guy I like, us gettting in such cheap gossip like that maybe made him uncomfortable so distancing ourselves was the best way he thought it would be. I dont think the same way, I’m a noisy girl who hates being ignored.

   As the time goes by, guys come and go the way they are. Just being close friend is enough for me. They come and go like seasons, sometimes this guy another time is that guy and so on. Why being bad bitch having such affairs here and there? Its not affair but just because I need shoulder to lean on, lets call it symbiosis mutualism. Me, trying to find someone that may fit me and the guy I’m close to looking for a close friend who can accompany and fulfilling his needs, which is me. I find myself getting attached to somebody who gets me no settled status so many times, I get tired and loving that guy back. You may call me crazy then. Its like I keep repeating the same mistake over and over but I dont know how to make myself the final move not to get back loving him. Ah I feel stupid, I wanna live happily without having my way to die slowly loving someone who doesnt love me back.

    I’ve experienced so many friendzoned things, but it keeps leading me back to him. Mmm It was, it was. Like seasons, people changes and hearts move on. So does my heart. It has been moved from him to somewhere. I am no longer that pathetic loving a guy who doesnt love me back. Sometimes I get myself brokenhearted but its not that bad like before. Though my heart lost its directions I’m at ease now that I’m not that explosive and being wiser to pick my love story unlike before.. Alone is better sooo many times, or falling in love with a random guy at the train station maybe. Hahaha Another way I do for falling in love nowadays is by watching Korean drama agaaain ~ I can love those handsome oppas in the drama I see and never worry to get myself broken. I wanna have a great love story like the drama went, I dont wanna experience the best way to die by loving someone who doesnt love me back like before.

I’m tired,.byee~

Because talk is cheap I’m telling you this,

written by Anggi Restiana Dewi